So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
