Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
