i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
