I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
