at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
