Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
