your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
