is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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