So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize