Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
