oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize