he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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