You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
