One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
