I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
