Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
