I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Randomize
