Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
