he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
