brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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