he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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