Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
