i think my mom watched the whole time
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
