Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Houston, we have a blender
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Randomize
