idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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