Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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