I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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