We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
