Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
