apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
