You don't have asthma, your pregnant
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
