Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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