READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
