Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
