The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
