Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
