she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
my poor anus
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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