I bet he comes in French.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
my liver is dry heaving
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
