On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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