You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize