shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
