So gin and wine won't be happening again
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
