I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
