So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
