hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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