Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
