It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize