Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
