He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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