When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Text me some of your sweat
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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