Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
