Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
