Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
