At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
