Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
