Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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