After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
