when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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