i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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