worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
