Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
