We're facebook friends in real life
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
