Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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