I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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