Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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