dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
