when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
