ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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