I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
